Last night, I was on a conference call directed by a woman named LaTara Ham-Ying. I can't get into the subject now because I'll loose all train of thought for my blog post this morning. But she brought to my attention a passage that I've read a number of times, Psalm 139. So this morning I chose to read verses 1 - 6 and take the time to reflect on what God has been telling me, that I just haven't been getting.
Sidebar:
The most wonderful and yet frustrating thing about reading the bible is that (when done meaningfully) the mind starts to go into overdrive. Answers to questions are revealed while more insightful questions come to mind. And for the person who already has a million thoughts swirling through the mind at any given time, that can be both stimulating and exhausting. But I digress.
Now Where Was I?
Oh yes. Psalm 139: 1 - 6 helped me to come to a few realizations. But because I'm still thinking and reflecting on what I read (even as I type this), I'll just share my thoughts concerning the first verse.
Psalm 139:1 (NASB)
Oh Lord, You have searched me and known me.
God designed me and therefor he simply just knows everything about me. But he designed me to be a complex being. And it's a special thing to know that he takes the time to examine and explore every area of myself. How flattering is that! Could you imagine Bill Gates coming to your home and examining your computer to see how it functions based on his own personal design? Of course he wouldn't do that. There are millions and millions of pc's out there. All of them have there own bells and whistles, add-ons and pluggins, and Lord knows what else you can get with the software. The same goes for us. And I believe that God tells me that he examines us in such a way for my sake. So that I am assured that when no one else understands me, not even myself. He does.
Not Another Christian Devotional Blog!
No. "Lavinia's BigPhatSigh" will not be changing it's sketchy lack of format just because I had an epiphany. There will be no harps playing as soon as you log on. But if my God, my Father and Creator, occasionally wants me to share what He shares with me; why not? He's given me permission to be me. So if "me" feels like ranting, me rants. If "me" feels like being thoughtful, me thinks. And if "me" wants to acknowledge that I'm not me without Him, me just did! (*bigphatsigh*); Love me some me today!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
My Housewife Confession
Don't tell my husband. But today, while he was at work, things got super hot and heavy. I tossed some towels in the washer, set it for a "super" load size, "hot" water and a "heavy" cycle. That'll teach him to leave me all alone with the laundry.
I won't say that I'm a freak, but the next time I do it I won't invite him to watch. But I will let him join in.
(*bigphatsigh*); I'm just sayin'. I'm not tryin' to keep the laundry thing to myself. I'm not stingy. There's a enough Purex to go around.
I won't say that I'm a freak, but the next time I do it I won't invite him to watch. But I will let him join in.
(*bigphatsigh*); I'm just sayin'. I'm not tryin' to keep the laundry thing to myself. I'm not stingy. There's a enough Purex to go around.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Lisa McClendon Breaks It Down
It seems like I got so much on my mind that I can't gather my own "me" thoughts to think of anything worth saying (*bigphatsigh*); if I could put the world on pause...
Luckily for me, Lisa said it all... Preach that thang, Sis!
Luckily for me, Lisa said it all... Preach that thang, Sis!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Aromatherapy? Smells Like Another Good Idea
"I need an outlet!" Now I've got one, and of course I haven't been using it. Surprised? I'm not (*bigphatsigh*); I gotta say something...Hmmm, lemme think. What's new?....
Well, earlier this week my daughter and I went into the local Natural stuff store. I find that I struggle with keeping up my energy & momentum. Being at home gives me no structure, and without structure I'm all over the place with my thoughts and activities. I could think all day about what to do and never actually get a good flow going until it's nearly time for my son to come home from school. ANYWAY, I went there to check out their herbal teas and supplements. I was interested in a few things that I saw, but I picked some free samples of ginger & licorice teas and a bottle of Vitamin Water. But as we were waiting to be rung up, a book on aromatherapy caught my attention.
SCENT'SATIONAL TANGENT
As I thumbed through it, I thought about how much different smells effect me. If I catch the lingering scent of any brand of "pine" cleaner, I'm instantly put in the mood to buy a bunch of supplies so that I can go home and clean. Walking down the laundry aisle makes me want to wash, fold and put away clothes. The smell of soaps and lotions inspires me to take some time to pamper myself with a foot bath or facial. Citrus scents pick me up, and lavender calms me down.
When I smell certain perfumes, I can vividly remember sitting on my moms lap, my cheek against her chest; listening to and feeling the vibrations of her voice as she read the Princess and the Pea to me for the millionth time. The smell of apples on a stove takes me to back to my grandparents house; in a warm kitchen on a cold November. The smell of Jay's cologne as I walk by his dresser makes me want to snuggle up with him right then and there. All of those scents bring me feelings of comfort.
But on the other hand, there are scents that make me nervous and uncomfortable. For example, there's an air freshener that my mother put in the closet of the room at the nursing home during my grandmother's brief stay there. That was a time filled with worry, anxiety and depression. Every time I went into the room, I smelled that air freshener. It wasn't a bad scent, but my mind associates it with negative feelings and events. I picked it up at the store one day, but at the time I didn't know what it was. I cracked it open and the smell of it went straight to my gut. My skin started to tingle and I instantly felt a sense of anxiety. Now, I guess I could reverse the effect that it has on me by using it at a time that is happy or pleasurable; changing the type of mood or experience with which I associate the scent. But I don't have to live with it if I don't want to, so I'm not going to waste the effort. Needless to say, that air freshener will not be freshening the air in my house any time soon.
...AND WE'RE BACK
I didn't buy the book. But my daughter became quite attached to a bar of peppermint scented glycerin soap, and I bought a small pack of "energizing" bath salt that had a citus-y smell. When we finally got home, I filled the kitchen sink with hot water and poured in some of the packet's contents. I stood over the sink closed my eyes and breathed in the lemony steam. Perhaps actually getting out of the house for a while jump-started my engine. But after my brief engagement with the sink ministry, the kitchen was later sparkling, the living room tidy and the kids rooms looked and smelled terrific. And so began my collection of library books about aromatherapy. My MP3 player has since been loaded with podcasts on the subject. There's a new "aromatherapy" folder for all my recently bookmarked web pages. And I'm fans and followers of people and companies that I probably would never have been interested in were it not for my trip to the Natural stuff store. Guess I can use my new "outlet" to share what I learn.
ADD THIS TO YOUR REPERTOIRE, LAVINIA
Aromatherapy (*bigphatsigh*); yet another thing that I suddenly want to learn and learn it all today.
Well, earlier this week my daughter and I went into the local Natural stuff store. I find that I struggle with keeping up my energy & momentum. Being at home gives me no structure, and without structure I'm all over the place with my thoughts and activities. I could think all day about what to do and never actually get a good flow going until it's nearly time for my son to come home from school. ANYWAY, I went there to check out their herbal teas and supplements. I was interested in a few things that I saw, but I picked some free samples of ginger & licorice teas and a bottle of Vitamin Water. But as we were waiting to be rung up, a book on aromatherapy caught my attention.
SCENT'SATIONAL TANGENT
As I thumbed through it, I thought about how much different smells effect me. If I catch the lingering scent of any brand of "pine" cleaner, I'm instantly put in the mood to buy a bunch of supplies so that I can go home and clean. Walking down the laundry aisle makes me want to wash, fold and put away clothes. The smell of soaps and lotions inspires me to take some time to pamper myself with a foot bath or facial. Citrus scents pick me up, and lavender calms me down.
When I smell certain perfumes, I can vividly remember sitting on my moms lap, my cheek against her chest; listening to and feeling the vibrations of her voice as she read the Princess and the Pea to me for the millionth time. The smell of apples on a stove takes me to back to my grandparents house; in a warm kitchen on a cold November. The smell of Jay's cologne as I walk by his dresser makes me want to snuggle up with him right then and there. All of those scents bring me feelings of comfort.
But on the other hand, there are scents that make me nervous and uncomfortable. For example, there's an air freshener that my mother put in the closet of the room at the nursing home during my grandmother's brief stay there. That was a time filled with worry, anxiety and depression. Every time I went into the room, I smelled that air freshener. It wasn't a bad scent, but my mind associates it with negative feelings and events. I picked it up at the store one day, but at the time I didn't know what it was. I cracked it open and the smell of it went straight to my gut. My skin started to tingle and I instantly felt a sense of anxiety. Now, I guess I could reverse the effect that it has on me by using it at a time that is happy or pleasurable; changing the type of mood or experience with which I associate the scent. But I don't have to live with it if I don't want to, so I'm not going to waste the effort. Needless to say, that air freshener will not be freshening the air in my house any time soon.
...AND WE'RE BACK
I didn't buy the book. But my daughter became quite attached to a bar of peppermint scented glycerin soap, and I bought a small pack of "energizing" bath salt that had a citus-y smell. When we finally got home, I filled the kitchen sink with hot water and poured in some of the packet's contents. I stood over the sink closed my eyes and breathed in the lemony steam. Perhaps actually getting out of the house for a while jump-started my engine. But after my brief engagement with the sink ministry, the kitchen was later sparkling, the living room tidy and the kids rooms looked and smelled terrific. And so began my collection of library books about aromatherapy. My MP3 player has since been loaded with podcasts on the subject. There's a new "aromatherapy" folder for all my recently bookmarked web pages. And I'm fans and followers of people and companies that I probably would never have been interested in were it not for my trip to the Natural stuff store. Guess I can use my new "outlet" to share what I learn.
ADD THIS TO YOUR REPERTOIRE, LAVINIA
Aromatherapy (*bigphatsigh*); yet another thing that I suddenly want to learn and learn it all today.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Big Phat Sigh Explained
I need an outlet. I need something that says "Lavinia!"
That's what I've been saying for months, or maybe the last couple of years. I don't know exactly when this feeling of being suppressed started, but I have a good idea. I am a stay-at-home mom and have been for about 3 years. Wow, has it really been that long? I must have idled through the place of "this is who I am for right now" and then crossed well over into the place of "that's who you used to be" before I stopped and asked myself, "now what was I supposed to be doing?"
I seem to have misplaced my Lavinia-ness!
Have you ever come to that conclusion? The conclusion that you've somehow surrendered that it-thing that makes you sparkle? Then traded all that in for a watered down wishy-washy version of yourself. I'm bored! I'm bored with myself! I bore myself!
Big Phat Sigh
I noticed that I do that a lot. Just as I read back the last passage that I wrote, I did it. Let out this big phat sigh. It's my long drawn out period that I place at the end of some thought I haven't outwardly expressed. It can be any kind of thought really. But the last sigh was one of reflection. "I bore myself" period = (*big phat sigh)= now that's a crying shame, pull it together.
In another instance, I thought about the "date" my husband plans to take me on this weekend (*bigphatsigh*) That sigh was a brief daydream. "Jay's got something nice planned just for the two of us" (*bigphatsigh*)= it's gonna be so nice to be alone just the two of us for a couple of hours and.....
Then there is my beloved "good grief" sigh. This one usually comes after the following thoughts
* If these kids don't stop arguing...
* I gotta do the laundry/dishes/housework period...
* I went down stairs 3 times and still forgot to get...
* Bills...
You get where I'm going with it.
My favorite sighs are the relax-relate-release sighs. They are the ones that escape me when I watch my kids laugh (*bigphatsigh*) = I love my babies. When I get to curl up with my husband on the couch in the evening (*bigphatsigh*) = this feels so nice. When I finally finish a project (*bigphatsigh*) = finally! When I first step into a warm shower (*bigphatsigh*) = perfect temperature and I'm never leaving. When I bite into my favorite shortbread cookie with the chocolate frosting on top after literally tasting it in my imagination all week (*bigphatsigh*) = if I could chew this bite forever I would.
My New Conclusion
Earlier I said that sighs are my periods at the end of a thought. But that's not really true. My big phat sighs continue on to say a lot. So, I guess you could say they're my semi-colons. And I hope you're next expecting a straight-forward and accurate definition of a semicolon from me (*bigphatsigh*) ; You don't know? You better ask somebody...else.
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